It’s simple – if compatibility is one of the reasons why people commit themselves into marriage, then why can’t incompatibility be a reason (ground) to seek a divorce (in India). No, I am not discussing about the various reasons for the failures of marriages today and nor am I giving my opinion about why is the divorce rate increasing or how to save on to your marriage. Does one need a degree in psychology, counseling, or social work to understand the compatibility ratio or does one need a marriage counselor?
In several western countries there are more than 15 reasons (incompatibility being one of them) considered sufficient grounds for divorce. Adultery, cruelty, desertion, impotency and chronic disease (5 reasons) are the categories for initiating divorce proceedings in
Marriage as a closure should be enabling, not constricting. Marriage, for various reasons seems it cuts out of our lives than for what it makes possible within our lives. The central secret seems to be in choosing well. There is something to the claim of fundamental compatibility. Good people can create a bad relationship, even though they both dearly want the relationship to succeed. It is important to find someone with whom you can create a good relationship from the outset. Unfortunately, it is hard to see clearly in the early stages. Smita and Jay were childhood friends. They grew up together, went to the same college, same friends, parents were happy, etc, etc. They married each other. Reasons could be - social acceptability, or sexual favors or the logical or “right” thing to do at that time. But - people change because they grow up. They grow up because times change.
Smita changed. She is not the same person Jay knew in college. She does not want the same things from life that she thought she wanted at 21. Now she is 28. But Jay has beliefs that he has ever since he remembers and will probably have it for the rest of his life. Does this put either of them on the wrong or bad side of life? Now, they are embittered and petty in their dealings with each other. At best, they have mutual toleration of each other. They are growing apart and living in separate worlds where one shares the business of life, without touching the heart. Why subject oneself to a lifetime of loveless nights and bickering days.
Smita decided to seek a divorce. She kept the lawyers at bay by refusing to initiate the divorce proceedings and seeking false allegations on one of the 5 reasons of the Indian Law. Her say – Jay is a great guy and a good human being…just not compatible with her. It is simple!!
There are no single reason to make or break any relationship (marriage, friendship, acquaintances etc).
ReplyDeleteAt times "knowing too much about each other breeds separation".
One philosopher said so very correctly "There are only two problems in LIFE. One not to get what you desire and other to get them".
Our Indian society hasn't yet opened it's doors quite widely when it comes to family matters.
ReplyDeleteIt yet has its traditional views and norms. Our people when it comes to marriages and working on them yet believe that two people who have tied the knot shouldn't let go off it so easily unless it is absolutely impossible to hold on to it. So, suddenly if such a group is exposed to an environment where two people just refuse to live with each other on basis of incompatibility, it takes a while to accept. It would be like a foreign culture suddenly imposed upon them.
You have put forward your article well but for our Indian society to look at it from your perspective might a while.